i woke up with the feeling i had fallen in love the night before.

this is exactly what i didn’t want to be doing.

but maybe it’s time to abandon the idea my life will be anything more than ordinary.

i feel like i’m losing my mind a bit here. as i remember it, being happy shouldn’t be this hard.

i don’t write very much any more. usually my problem is that i write a lot, but never want to show it to anyone. but lately, i’ve run dry. my heart’s in tangles, and quite frankly, i’ve been very lazy and content to leave it that that way. it’s crazy though, i’m afraid of feeling something i can’t name.

vocal lessons, are teaching me my limits.

i like watching the lighting before the thunder strikes. they taught the girl scouts how to tell if a storm is coming. but i was never one of them. by the time i know what’s coming, i am already wet.

and maybe i don’t want to be the kind of girl who has to call you, but here’s the thing. i don’t want anyone else. and if that’s what i have to do to get you, then, that’s what i’ll do.

i would have ended it there. facing the water while the smoke and the streetlights drifted over the surface. you kind of smell like chickpeas to me, but i like you so much i don’t mind. you also let me choose what ice cream we got, which goes a long way for me. and we heard music on the water, we weren’t sure if it was an echo or the real thing. beside us, a family gave up on fishing in the harbour. they packed it up as the sun went down. four couples went by. i counted. hands and hips together. they were together and we weren’t. inside i was screaming “don’t you want that?” but i don’t know if you do, so i just held my spoon. you told me about your day and your dog and how you were getting tan.  (i had in fact notice the freckles on your elbows and hoped to count them all) it could have been two bands we heard, or just one sound all broken up. for the most part, we were the only ones. eating ice cream under a streetlight in june. your cheeks turned that evening shade of amber i told you: “this is awesome” and you said “yeah?” but i’m not sure now if you knew i wasn’t talking about the ice cream, but about you.

if excitement, is trying to memorize the subway map, then yes, i’m very excited to go to new york in just 10 days time. but i think it’s important to remember that things do not happen the way i dream them up.

i’m upset i misssed the eclipse and was stuck wondering what sky you were sleeping under.

and he called my hair pretty : )

this weekend was the fifth round. stooping to pull old hopes up like pantihose.
waiting for the phone to ring before realizing they work both ways.
a radio-preset soul mate and other personal miracles.
mistaking a makeup bag for a case full of sketch pencils. having no face or wearing a real one.
giving in to gravity and strawberry waffles after dark.
an app that can find the super-moon in the corner and jupiter over your shoulder. things appear closest just over the horizon.
tell me about the stars.

always torn.

i’m not sure if it’s my life’s mission to let everyone know how loved they are,
or if it’s to tell them, that they are not unique, that their experiences are not singular.

maybe it’s both.

writersbloqinc:

“I like to imagine a sentence as a boat. Each sentence, after all, has a distinct shape, and it comes with something that makes it move forward or stay still — whether a sail, a motor or a pair of oars. There are as many kinds of sentences as there are seaworthy vessels: canoes and sloops, barges…

(Source: The New York Times)